brandbreak!

The upcoming election has brought about the emergence of cave-dwelling and outlandish primates who call themselves political activists. Sightings are becoming more common at roadway intersections and high traffic locations. Some community members have even reported them spontaneously approaching homes.

In an encounter earlier today, I was forced into close proximity of a small group of them. Let me warn you, they can be dangerous. Upon approaching a few of these activists, I was greeted with smiling faces (this is only a façade). When I attempted to evade their encroachment, they would respond by jabbing pamphlets of information toward me or begin chanting catchy, and potentially memorable, phrases like, “Vote for something great. Obama ’08!”


Warning: Should you unexpectedly encounter or come in contact with these primates, please look out for signs of their aggression. These can include waving of large flashy signs, chanting, and most notably their mating calls. They do not distinguish between potential mates, so beware; they may try to engage anyone who shows the slightest sign of interest.

If you do fall prey to these so called political activists, you may begin to experience symptoms such as feeling a desire to chant, hold up large signs, or congregate in public areas. Advanced development of these symptoms may result in a strong urge to attend their recruiting events commonly referred to as “primaries”.

For treatment of these symptoms, please flush your eyes of all the political lies and contact your preferred politician to see what you can do.